The Split Between Trauma and the Authentic Self

What does this mean, the authentic self?

As someone who suffered with PTSD and it went undiagnosed for years, I experienced the split.

While I was in the midst of chaos (called my life), I had no idea that what I was showing to the world was not my true self. Because of the loss of attachment with my primary caregiver I had to develop my own survival skills as I ventured on my life’s journey.

It wasn’t until I began my own healing journey searching for any information that would provide me with the knowledge I so desperately needed. I had symptoms of intense hyper vigilance, lack of concentration, I couldn’t sit still, I always had to be moving, I was having nightmares, flashbacks, and intense sweating episodes throughout the night. I couldn’t sleep unless there was noise around me. Large crowds and certain noises would elevate my nervous system to the point of having panic attacks.

These symptoms were interfering with nurturing my own spirit. Instead I started wearing masks trying to pretend everything was ok.

Then one day it was brought to my attention that I had PTSD that had started as developmental trauma. My mental illness needed attention — I desperately needed and wanted to find my authentic self. I needed my spirit back!

The journey began and I gave myself permission to follow the river.